is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
a search helicopter?!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
