apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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