I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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