someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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