Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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