he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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