just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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