I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
