I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
