yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
