I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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