I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
