Your tits are I can't wait for
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
