Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
