I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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