what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
