he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
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So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
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I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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