So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
