She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
