I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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