his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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