After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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