scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I love how my cats smell like pot.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
