i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
third nipple confirmed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Im part way to drunk.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
