My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
