What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
