Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
