Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
