Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
