I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
