ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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