Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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