Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
