I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
