No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
