Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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