Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
