Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
