I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize