you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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