dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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