You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
