I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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