I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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