12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
