My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
