I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
