You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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