Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
