Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
