what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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