I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
