first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
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Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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