I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
