Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
