I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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