Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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