im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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