Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
