dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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