while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
