why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
