Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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