i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
