i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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